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Post by trixie on May 8, 2007 20:11:51 GMT -5
by the Salvation Army today. My boss was amazed they wouldn't take 25-year-old faux wood office furniture with fake wood kitchen cabinet liner taped over the surface. I tried to tell him that some people have standards. He still didn't get it. He thinks that Norman Rockwell is too abstract as an artist. And that Barry Manilow is too jazzy. He also wants to hang up his poster of Britanny Spears alongside his Frederick's of Hollywood Calendar. I said no. He's such a tasteful guy.
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Post by Liz on May 8, 2007 20:16:38 GMT -5
Trixie, STOP!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by trixie on May 8, 2007 21:27:01 GMT -5
Liz! Sorry about this post. But I was in hysterics at the look on Howard's face when I told him the furniture failed the charity test. I made him buy new office furniture for me when we moved our offices and he literally comes in every morning and stops and looks at it and tells me how much it cost him. Then he tries to look destitute while wearing his Dollar Store lime green sunglasses and proceeds to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars adding to his stock portfolio. And he does this all with bagel crumbs stuck in the corner of his mouth and his shoelaces untied. And on more than one ocassion his pants are unzipped. Al least he's amusing. Although not particularly suave.
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Post by kallietop on May 8, 2007 21:48:01 GMT -5
trixie - you freakin crack me up!!!!
hmm..........i didn't know i have a test???
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Post by Amy on May 9, 2007 9:51:59 GMT -5
Hey, Trixie, your boss sounds hot! Is he single by any chance? ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Chris on May 9, 2007 9:54:50 GMT -5
TRIXIE!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I don't know which part of your post is the funniest, but c'mon... Norman Rockwell is ABSTRACT? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Chris on May 9, 2007 9:57:34 GMT -5
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Post by trixie on May 9, 2007 18:25:17 GMT -5
Plat! Oh my Gawd! That Rockwell picture showed every stage of Howard except for the one with his pot belly and Grecian Hair Formula (I didn't know it came in Howdy Doody Red!) which he uses on his two strands of hair! He would make me hang that picture up and tell me what great art it was and also how "edgy" it is. No kidding. Hey, I love my boss, but as my husband said, "I hope I never have to watch him eat corn on the cob." Truer words were never spoken. And he really still likes Brittaney Spears. Probably because she now has less hair than he does. Bless his miserly little heart. And LAVERY, Sadly, no he's not single. But I don't think that's stopped him before. Although, like Cooter, I don't think there were many takers. Sooooo, if you're really interested... Bring a two-fer coupon for Noah's Bagels and a Florida chad showing you voted for Bush and you are in like Flint. Just remember, I get a finder's fee. Charity, love - I realized I put you in an administrative position ( ) by giving you "testing criteria". But trust me, you did good by flunking the office furniture. It didn't deserve a passing grade. It should've been sent to detention 20 years ago.
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Post by Amy on May 9, 2007 21:03:31 GMT -5
Dang, I almost had me a man.
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Post by trixie on May 9, 2007 21:22:31 GMT -5
Hey, Lavery, To be honest, I don't think he cares who you voted for. Just as long as you bring bagels. Or don't laugh at him while he chows down on them. Heck, he still employs me knowing a) I NEVER eat bagels, b) I NEVER voted for a bush or a shrub, c) I write about him on a message board, and d) I tell him to ZIP UP and MAKE HIS FLY RIGHT. It's a wonder I still have a job.
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Post by Amy on May 9, 2007 22:02:45 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D Trixie, you still have a job because he'd be lost without you. Or maybe I should say more lost without you. I'll bet when you take a vacation it scares the hell out of him.
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Post by trixie on May 9, 2007 22:31:03 GMT -5
Lavery - He WOULD be more lost without me. At least I tell him to zip up his pants and tie his shoelaces. His wife never notices these things. But I don't even take real vacations anymore because he gets so paranoid and makes me write an entire binder-full of instructions. I was suppose to have major surgery about four years ago and two months before it was scheduled, I had to put in some serious overtime and write down EVERYTHING I DID. So at the end of each chapter of instructions, I wrote, "Then I went home and chugged cheap wine straight from the bottle." Or I wrote "Shooting Heroin is recommended after Chapter Three." Then I added to the last bit of instructions, "If all else fails, refer to Chapter One - Stapling A Post-It Note on Boss' Forehead." He obviously never read my instructions. I never once saw him with a Post-It stapled to his head. Although I fantasized about it quite often.
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Post by kallietop on May 9, 2007 22:56:11 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Chris on May 11, 2007 18:25:57 GMT -5
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
I know all too well about such books!!
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