Post by trixie on May 20, 2007 14:56:00 GMT -5
If so, my apologies. WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
I'm stuck at home with a broken-down car and everyone I know is on vacation.
So if it wasn't something I said before, it probably will be now. And with that...
A Not-So-Live-Post for 05.18.07
Oh what a shock. Annie Greensprings is propping Greenlee for finding her inhaler and being the Not-Exactly-Ex-Mrs. Lavery. Annie’s also wondering why she looks more like Greenlee than Greenlee does. Hey, it’s a green light for Ryan either way.
Cue Elusive Butterfly of Love.
Annie says that when you stop breathing before starting again it makes things look different and makes you think. Yeah, it makes you think that breathing is probably a good thing. I’ve had many asthma attacks, and never once, when I couldn’t breathe, did I do any soul searching. I was searching for air molecules. Okay, I once worried that I was wearing thong underwear, but only for a second or two.
Cue Take My Breath Away.
Commercial: Ho! Ho! Ho! Oh, No! It’s The Not-So-Jolly Green Giant. And unfortunately for the people in the Valley he’s been taking his Metamucil. Yikes!
Back to the Zackalls – So, is it Mixed Greens, Baby Greens or Tossed Greens? Kendall is leaning towards “Tossed”.
Jon tells Ava that Lily made him feel like no one before. This is true. He never felt so intimate with his left hand before Lily.
Cue Love The One You’re With.
Ava tells Jon she’s Lily’s family and he’s not. And since Kinky, Killer, Moron Boy isn’t scoring, how about they suck face?
Cue Psycho Killer (hey, I know I’ve used that song before, but it just keeps popping up whenever I watch this show)
Jon says, no, but hickies are always an alternative. Major suckage ensues.
Commercial about Diabetes. Should have aired after Annie/Ryan/Greenlee. Oh well.
Erica and Tad suck face. Hey, this show really sucks today. Dell appears and pimps his latest book. Erica whispers something in his ear. Dell grins and says, yeah, “Farmer in the Dell” is good. But how about “Everything I Know I Learned in Kidneygarten.” I’m partial to “Farmer In The Dell” myself.
Erica asks Tad to drive Jackson home and Tad says that as attractive as he finds Jack, he still really misses Dr. Hayward and Jack will only be a transitional man.
More Zackall babble – baby stuff is turning Kendall into mush. What became of the Bitch on Wheels? Well, last I looked, the writers had her up on blocks in front of the Carey’s new double-wide.
Zack calls her a sloppy mom. Or a soppy mom. It was hard to hear over the painters outside my house yelling at each other.
Cue La Bomba. Because that’s what the painters were singing and it’s now stuck in my head.
Hannah talking to Zack. She can’t get what she wants, so hey! Guess what! Cue YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT. That was easier than the Carey women.
Jon asks Ava if she is willing to take over Lily’s life. And if so, can she give up red lipstick? And learn to count backwards from a trillion by sevens? And can she give up sex? Ava: Yes, Yes and let’s test the last one out. Jon says two out of three ain’t bad. Cue Go Away Little Girl.
Jackson and Erica. They’re in a car. Uh, oh, a car, actually moving, with someone at the wheel while arguing, on a soap opera. Will there be a… OH, NO! Cue Deadman’s Curve.
Wait, nope, they’re just talking about respecting her rear. Oh, wait, it’s her career. Damn, these painters. How to you say STFU in Spanish?
Looks like they made it safe if not so sound. Erica sings Baby You Can Drive My Car and then recites the Boy Scout Manual to Jackson. Be courteous, polite, and kiss my career whenever I ask you to. Jackson bobs his head and says, “Okay, just so long as I can still have sex with Babs.”
Erica screams “CUT!” And I think she really means it this time.
Commercial.
Back at Have Fetus Get a Manicure And Then A Divorce Island – Room Service guy tells Annie Greensprings she will soon be free. She’s a bit bummed because she was counting on an extra source of income.
Ms. Green Lees Jeans and Ryan at beach, and she’s beaching about how just because she demanded a divorce that he just didn’t “get” her enough to realize that she was lying her now much higher-off-the-ground butt off. She tells Ryan you didn’t fight for me then, but will you now? Ryan has flashback of Fight Club, hesitates and says, “You know, those sweaty, shirtless guys WERE pretty hot.”
Cue I Had The Time Of My Life.
Commercial for Fiber. Luckily I missed it. I just hope it didn’t feature the Jolly Green Giant.
Previews for next week:
Erica and Jackson decide to take separate cabs from now on.
Tad realizes that while he was kissing Erica he kept picturing Adam.
Babs goes to a personal trainer in hopes that Erica will find her more attractive.
Jon decides that touching Ava may be trashy, but one man’s garbage is another man’s um, something or other. Sorry, the painters were yelling again.
Annie Greensprings goes to the bar and orders a bottle of Blue Nun and sings It’s Not Easy Being Green (But Green is Being Easy).
Greenlee looks in the mirror and decides that she’s not the woman she used to be and changes her name to Phyllis.
Ryan vows to find the nearest anthill and also to keep his vasectomy intact for his posterior’s sake. Oh, wait, he meant for posterity’s sake.
Babe is nowhere to be seen. And KWAK goes to find her. They get lost somewhere in Kansas and a house lands on them. It’s very tragic. In a lovely, happy sort of way.
If anyone actually read this, please let me know if you want me to continue doing these. I know they're not all amusing. And I don't blame anyone for not reading. I'm having to whack myself up alongside my own head just to write them.
I'm stuck at home with a broken-down car and everyone I know is on vacation.
So if it wasn't something I said before, it probably will be now. And with that...
A Not-So-Live-Post for 05.18.07
Oh what a shock. Annie Greensprings is propping Greenlee for finding her inhaler and being the Not-Exactly-Ex-Mrs. Lavery. Annie’s also wondering why she looks more like Greenlee than Greenlee does. Hey, it’s a green light for Ryan either way.
Cue Elusive Butterfly of Love.
Annie says that when you stop breathing before starting again it makes things look different and makes you think. Yeah, it makes you think that breathing is probably a good thing. I’ve had many asthma attacks, and never once, when I couldn’t breathe, did I do any soul searching. I was searching for air molecules. Okay, I once worried that I was wearing thong underwear, but only for a second or two.
Cue Take My Breath Away.
Commercial: Ho! Ho! Ho! Oh, No! It’s The Not-So-Jolly Green Giant. And unfortunately for the people in the Valley he’s been taking his Metamucil. Yikes!
Back to the Zackalls – So, is it Mixed Greens, Baby Greens or Tossed Greens? Kendall is leaning towards “Tossed”.
Jon tells Ava that Lily made him feel like no one before. This is true. He never felt so intimate with his left hand before Lily.
Cue Love The One You’re With.
Ava tells Jon she’s Lily’s family and he’s not. And since Kinky, Killer, Moron Boy isn’t scoring, how about they suck face?
Cue Psycho Killer (hey, I know I’ve used that song before, but it just keeps popping up whenever I watch this show)
Jon says, no, but hickies are always an alternative. Major suckage ensues.
Commercial about Diabetes. Should have aired after Annie/Ryan/Greenlee. Oh well.
Erica and Tad suck face. Hey, this show really sucks today. Dell appears and pimps his latest book. Erica whispers something in his ear. Dell grins and says, yeah, “Farmer in the Dell” is good. But how about “Everything I Know I Learned in Kidneygarten.” I’m partial to “Farmer In The Dell” myself.
Erica asks Tad to drive Jackson home and Tad says that as attractive as he finds Jack, he still really misses Dr. Hayward and Jack will only be a transitional man.
More Zackall babble – baby stuff is turning Kendall into mush. What became of the Bitch on Wheels? Well, last I looked, the writers had her up on blocks in front of the Carey’s new double-wide.
Zack calls her a sloppy mom. Or a soppy mom. It was hard to hear over the painters outside my house yelling at each other.
Cue La Bomba. Because that’s what the painters were singing and it’s now stuck in my head.
Hannah talking to Zack. She can’t get what she wants, so hey! Guess what! Cue YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT. That was easier than the Carey women.
Jon asks Ava if she is willing to take over Lily’s life. And if so, can she give up red lipstick? And learn to count backwards from a trillion by sevens? And can she give up sex? Ava: Yes, Yes and let’s test the last one out. Jon says two out of three ain’t bad. Cue Go Away Little Girl.
Jackson and Erica. They’re in a car. Uh, oh, a car, actually moving, with someone at the wheel while arguing, on a soap opera. Will there be a… OH, NO! Cue Deadman’s Curve.
Wait, nope, they’re just talking about respecting her rear. Oh, wait, it’s her career. Damn, these painters. How to you say STFU in Spanish?
Looks like they made it safe if not so sound. Erica sings Baby You Can Drive My Car and then recites the Boy Scout Manual to Jackson. Be courteous, polite, and kiss my career whenever I ask you to. Jackson bobs his head and says, “Okay, just so long as I can still have sex with Babs.”
Erica screams “CUT!” And I think she really means it this time.
Commercial.
Back at Have Fetus Get a Manicure And Then A Divorce Island – Room Service guy tells Annie Greensprings she will soon be free. She’s a bit bummed because she was counting on an extra source of income.
Ms. Green Lees Jeans and Ryan at beach, and she’s beaching about how just because she demanded a divorce that he just didn’t “get” her enough to realize that she was lying her now much higher-off-the-ground butt off. She tells Ryan you didn’t fight for me then, but will you now? Ryan has flashback of Fight Club, hesitates and says, “You know, those sweaty, shirtless guys WERE pretty hot.”
Cue I Had The Time Of My Life.
Commercial for Fiber. Luckily I missed it. I just hope it didn’t feature the Jolly Green Giant.
Previews for next week:
Erica and Jackson decide to take separate cabs from now on.
Tad realizes that while he was kissing Erica he kept picturing Adam.
Babs goes to a personal trainer in hopes that Erica will find her more attractive.
Jon decides that touching Ava may be trashy, but one man’s garbage is another man’s um, something or other. Sorry, the painters were yelling again.
Annie Greensprings goes to the bar and orders a bottle of Blue Nun and sings It’s Not Easy Being Green (But Green is Being Easy).
Greenlee looks in the mirror and decides that she’s not the woman she used to be and changes her name to Phyllis.
Ryan vows to find the nearest anthill and also to keep his vasectomy intact for his posterior’s sake. Oh, wait, he meant for posterity’s sake.
Babe is nowhere to be seen. And KWAK goes to find her. They get lost somewhere in Kansas and a house lands on them. It’s very tragic. In a lovely, happy sort of way.
If anyone actually read this, please let me know if you want me to continue doing these. I know they're not all amusing. And I don't blame anyone for not reading. I'm having to whack myself up alongside my own head just to write them.