Post by trixie on Sept 1, 2006 18:18:03 GMT -5
I know I swore I wouldn’t – but I did. It’s kind of like when I swear off cheese and then darn it, I can’t help myself.
With apologies as always and lots of Lactaid Ultra pills…
Dixie makes a very convincing confession to Derek. Yes, she’s the one who killed Madden. Derek asks why she’s confessing.
Dixie says, Because if he doesn’t arrest her he might just actually have to go after the person who really did it and that would be against soap opera rules.
Derek suggests she take her 5’2”, 105 pound, Vera Wang-clad, man-dragging, coffin burying, Martha Stewart gardening-expert self back home and call her agent and take away his 10% pronto.
Cue – Dig Me Up To Bury Me, by Flotsam and Jetsam (No, really, it’s an actual song)
Commercial
Okay, More bobbing and weaving. I’m thinking about a martini, but I'm getting seasick. BUT WAIT! Batman and Robin are at the Joker’s (or the Riddler’s) lair and now I’m actually thinking about lighting up the crack pipe. Much non-repartee and witless conversation ensues.
Okay, The Joker/Riddler has biz to conduct. Batman and Robin say Holy Shitload of Crappola and demand to know where their Pa is.
Cue The Joker (by Steve Miller)
Babe and Kendall are both designated to Fusion’s rooftop in order to remove eyelash hairs from their eyeballs. Seems that there is a rule at Fusion that the Lady’s room is off limits. Gawd knows what else the rooftop is used for.
Josh obviously has an eyelash problem, too because he appears as Kendall tells Babe she is pretty stupid for staying with a person who tried to kill her.
Josh thinks this is harsh as he removes an eyelash and reminds Kendall and Babe that his own mother tried to kill him, but he still, well, maybe loves her, too (okay, I made this part up, but actually I pretty much made EVERYTHING up). Kendall is not actually blowing Josh off as she now realizes that would be incestuous and the writers do have their principles, of which said principles just happen to buried in their underwear drawers.
On no. Tears flow like a little, tiny, teeny, leaky faucet. Makeup moves in with false eyelashes. Cameras shake. Moody muzak follows.
Cue It’s Cryin’ Time Again.
Commercial
Pepto Bismol. Answering Telemarketing phone calls. Saying “yes” to telephone surveys. Okay, I found the vodka!
Oh, look, here’s Tad in a crypt with Del. Del threatens him with his eyebrows. Tad asks if they’re loaded.
Di appears with a rope and says “No”, but WE are.
Tad looks very happy.
Unfortunately nothing else happens, except that Del’s eyebrows meet together to plot Tad’s demise, but since they (the eyebrows) agree that Jethro is a Doofus, they just look the other way. It’s not a pretty sight.
Ellie Mae is sad to see Tad go after going through all the trouble of tying him up and fantasizing a great ménage a tois between her half-brother and her once-dead sister’s ex-husband. She even yells after Tad that they can all go skinny-dipping in their “SEEMENT POND”. Tad leaves as he is quite late for a hair appointment.
Cue The Beverly Hillbillies Theme song
Commercial
Maalox
Nail Polish Remover inhaling. Looking for airplane glue.
Okay,
Back on Fusion’s roof Babe gets dewy-eyed while describing living a life with a homicidal, alcoholic, jealous and did she mention homicidal? maniac. Kendall understands since she used to baby-sit him. And slept with him. Oh well, whatever.
Cue Up on the Roof
Commercial
Josh is all sweaty and shirtless for some gratuitous sawing action. Is he making a new coffin? a coffee table with all his spare change under glass? a shoe tree? a picnic table? Well, it was gratuitous, but I'll take it.
Cue If I Were a Carpenter, or better yet, If I Had A Hammer (I'd hammer in the morning, I'd hammer in the evening all over this ARGHHHHHHH! OUCH! Okay! Okay! I'd only hammer between 10 am and 6 pm. Got it! OW!)
Next Week:
Donald Trump, played by Ryan says “You’re Fired” to Annie Greensprings.
Dixie confesses to Derek that she also buried Jimmy Hoffa
Derek takes Bo Buchanan’s place as police commish in Llanview. He is considered a genius and Spencer commits suicide by Speedo when he realizes who he’s up against.
Babe still doesn’t get Kendall. But no one else does, either
JR is still sporting a big bandaid on his head, featuring Barney. He worries about this while taking his Flintstone vitamins.
Jamie still wants to know where Tad is, while Tad gently takes Jamie’s stethoscope and sticks it up his nose.
With apologies as always and lots of Lactaid Ultra pills…
Dixie makes a very convincing confession to Derek. Yes, she’s the one who killed Madden. Derek asks why she’s confessing.
Dixie says, Because if he doesn’t arrest her he might just actually have to go after the person who really did it and that would be against soap opera rules.
Derek suggests she take her 5’2”, 105 pound, Vera Wang-clad, man-dragging, coffin burying, Martha Stewart gardening-expert self back home and call her agent and take away his 10% pronto.
Cue – Dig Me Up To Bury Me, by Flotsam and Jetsam (No, really, it’s an actual song)
Commercial
Okay, More bobbing and weaving. I’m thinking about a martini, but I'm getting seasick. BUT WAIT! Batman and Robin are at the Joker’s (or the Riddler’s) lair and now I’m actually thinking about lighting up the crack pipe. Much non-repartee and witless conversation ensues.
Okay, The Joker/Riddler has biz to conduct. Batman and Robin say Holy Shitload of Crappola and demand to know where their Pa is.
Cue The Joker (by Steve Miller)
Babe and Kendall are both designated to Fusion’s rooftop in order to remove eyelash hairs from their eyeballs. Seems that there is a rule at Fusion that the Lady’s room is off limits. Gawd knows what else the rooftop is used for.
Josh obviously has an eyelash problem, too because he appears as Kendall tells Babe she is pretty stupid for staying with a person who tried to kill her.
Josh thinks this is harsh as he removes an eyelash and reminds Kendall and Babe that his own mother tried to kill him, but he still, well, maybe loves her, too (okay, I made this part up, but actually I pretty much made EVERYTHING up). Kendall is not actually blowing Josh off as she now realizes that would be incestuous and the writers do have their principles, of which said principles just happen to buried in their underwear drawers.
On no. Tears flow like a little, tiny, teeny, leaky faucet. Makeup moves in with false eyelashes. Cameras shake. Moody muzak follows.
Cue It’s Cryin’ Time Again.
Commercial
Pepto Bismol. Answering Telemarketing phone calls. Saying “yes” to telephone surveys. Okay, I found the vodka!
Oh, look, here’s Tad in a crypt with Del. Del threatens him with his eyebrows. Tad asks if they’re loaded.
Di appears with a rope and says “No”, but WE are.
Tad looks very happy.
Unfortunately nothing else happens, except that Del’s eyebrows meet together to plot Tad’s demise, but since they (the eyebrows) agree that Jethro is a Doofus, they just look the other way. It’s not a pretty sight.
Ellie Mae is sad to see Tad go after going through all the trouble of tying him up and fantasizing a great ménage a tois between her half-brother and her once-dead sister’s ex-husband. She even yells after Tad that they can all go skinny-dipping in their “SEEMENT POND”. Tad leaves as he is quite late for a hair appointment.
Cue The Beverly Hillbillies Theme song
Commercial
Maalox
Nail Polish Remover inhaling. Looking for airplane glue.
Okay,
Back on Fusion’s roof Babe gets dewy-eyed while describing living a life with a homicidal, alcoholic, jealous and did she mention homicidal? maniac. Kendall understands since she used to baby-sit him. And slept with him. Oh well, whatever.
Cue Up on the Roof
Commercial
Josh is all sweaty and shirtless for some gratuitous sawing action. Is he making a new coffin? a coffee table with all his spare change under glass? a shoe tree? a picnic table? Well, it was gratuitous, but I'll take it.
Cue If I Were a Carpenter, or better yet, If I Had A Hammer (I'd hammer in the morning, I'd hammer in the evening all over this ARGHHHHHHH! OUCH! Okay! Okay! I'd only hammer between 10 am and 6 pm. Got it! OW!)
Next Week:
Donald Trump, played by Ryan says “You’re Fired” to Annie Greensprings.
Dixie confesses to Derek that she also buried Jimmy Hoffa
Derek takes Bo Buchanan’s place as police commish in Llanview. He is considered a genius and Spencer commits suicide by Speedo when he realizes who he’s up against.
Babe still doesn’t get Kendall. But no one else does, either
JR is still sporting a big bandaid on his head, featuring Barney. He worries about this while taking his Flintstone vitamins.
Jamie still wants to know where Tad is, while Tad gently takes Jamie’s stethoscope and sticks it up his nose.