Post by trixie on May 11, 2007 17:41:42 GMT -5
Opening scene – KWAK. Um, Uh oh, bathroom break.
Adam with Larry (Moe and Curley are trying to get their change back from the cafeteria vending machine). No charges filed because of trampy wife and rampant psychos. It’s mentioned in PV’s Police Unwritten Code of Stupid Laws, Paragraph 0, Titled, Perps With Bucks Get Free Pass, see: Appendix, Never Removed, Tonsils Still Intact, which states “No charges will be filed against alleged babynapper if said wife has performed the same criminal act while calling kidnapped babies “Peanut” and her daughter “Babydawl” and referring to herself as “Mamma”, prior to current criminal act while dealing with a psycho accomplice.” Case closed. YAY!
Cue Free Bird
Kendall and Zack seek size 6 Jimmy Choo Shoes. They try E-Bay. Then Craig’s List. Decide it’s irrelevant to the storyline and go to Payless Shoe Store.
Cue These Boots Were Made For Walking. But Not For Too Long of Distances Because They Hurt My Feet Really Bad.
Commercial.
Ryan has a wedding surprise for Annie Greensprings. She says “Oh God, oh God, Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh God, Oh, God Oh, God, Oh God, Oh, God, and Oh, God. Hey, the dialogue writers are on a roll today . Cue Making Love Out of Nothing At All (by Air Supply. Figures).
Oh wait, there’s a horse. Of course. Ryan leads with Annie riding sidesaddle and Jonathon follows with a pooper scooper. Okay, Jonboy wasn’t actually SEEN, but it’s his job as Ryan’s little brother and best man who had the bad cut out, but still suffers from BBBKS (Big Brother Butt Kissing Syndrome).
Cue A Horse With No Name. Unfortunately, although it still has no name it still has an extremely equine aroma.
Greenlee lurks, smirks, starts singing Another one Bites the Dust, but then hears A Horse With No Name and quickly puts her hands against her bleeding ears and runs to PV Hospital.
Back at the reception :
Lava, dressed as Big Bird, says she has ear plugs. Everyone offers her big bucks for them as Ryan and Annie waltz in smelling like Mr. Ed. While still singing A Horse With No Name.
Thank goodness. A commercial while I again search for some cheap white wine and look desperately for toothpicks to stick in my eyeballs to keep them open. No luck. Oh, well. Sober and irritable, I continue to watch as…
Kendall, Zack and Spike’s hair all appear in one scene. :oPerhaps Spike will rejoin his hair after the next commercial and after he decides if he’s joining the Hare Krishnas until he gets to be SORASed. My guess is his hair stays, but he goes.
Hey, now Adam welcomes Tad into his hospital room and says he’s glad he’s there as he was looking for some entertainment. Tad then provocatively dangles a pair of handcuffs while Adam delays buttoning up his shirt. Adam says it’s a welcome sight after dealing with Tarts and Traitors. Cue Chain of Fools.
Okay, here’s Babe. Cue It Ain’t Me Babe. I’m taking ANOTHER bathroom break.
KWAK and Jenny, it’s a Mother and Child Reunion.
(original words by Paul Simon - liberties taken by Trixie)
Yes I would like, give you false hope
On this strange and pointless day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a (legal) motion away, oh, little peanut of mine
I can't for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they won’t let it be
But The writers won’t let it work out that way
And the course of a lifetime of lies
Over and over again
No I would not give you false hope
You can still make your daddy pay
And the mother and child reunion
Is only a (legal) motion away, oh, baby dawling of mine
I just can't believe It's so
Though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
But that is so not so
We’re the Cary’s of a lifetime
Over and over again
So I would so give you false hope
On this really pointless day
When the mother and child reunion
Was only a plot point away
Oh the mother and child reunion
Was only a plot point away
Oh the mother and child reunion
Was only a plot point away
Commercial.
Back at the reception. Lava admits to being 42 minutes and 6 seconds late. This was because she had to listen to Julia and Laimie discuss how he’s going back to med school (although he spelled it “Skool”) and Julia said it could take nine years but they’ll keep the bedroom door locked and so I had to take another bathroom break and look for my Milk of Magnesia.
Ryan and Annie “Salsa”, but it was the mild kind and contained mostly cilantro but very little Tabasco.
Everyone else did The Onion Dip, The Cheeze Whiz and the Plain Mayo. It was a room filled with sound but little fury and signifying no rhythm.
Back at the hospital, Jr mentions he needs to check on his son. After all KWAK and Babe are free to roam.
Colby tells Tad about infant massaging. Tad thinks she said Instant Messaging and wanders off to find a working computer at PV. Good luck, Tad.
No one even mentions diaper rash
KWAK tells Colby she’s a GREAT BIG SISTER. Colby leaves and signs up for Jenny Craig.
Cue I’m a Loser. (Babe then tells Adam He’s A Looser. Adam says “R U Seriass?)
ANOTHER commercial.
Adam asks why Babe and her Mamma aren’t test driving double wides.
More Wedding Crap.
Jamie and Amanda. Amanda says something about having a mentally-ill mom. She forgets about her disappearing brother and her frozen pop. Jamie forgets to mention his disappearing mom and his bury-a-live-mad-doc-in-a-box pop. Amanda realizes she forgot to wear her I Used to Be A Bitch Panties and shrugs.
Aiden! I have no idea what he’s saying. And I don’t care. He’s there! He realizes he forgot his panties all together and I for one couldn’t be happier.
Jonathon asks Lava if she’d like to go for a walk as there are some really nice red tulips outside. Okay, he really said “purple tulips”, but gawd help me, I haven’t seen too many of those. Maybe only in PV. Probably growing in the sandy shores of the PV Ocean. Anyway, this prompts someone to ask her to count backwards from a hundred or else she’s busted. Or busty. I wasn’t paying attention.
Ryan is arrested for using the expression “That was big of me” way too often. No, wait, he’s guilty of bigamy.
Commercial
Tune in next week when Zack and Kendall walk into the reception after playing The Bridges of Madison County and making The Horse With No Name wrinkle his nose and run back to the stables.
Everyone gathers around the cake but no one eats it. Spike’s hair tries to sneak a piece but is caught and sent back to Spike’s head.
Lava steals the bride’s bouquet because it matches perfectly with her Big Bird outfit.
Tad and KWAK discuss tree frogs while the sound of crickets are heard in the background.
Adam lets Colby take him home even though he thinks she’s a cheap trick (or something like that.)
Greenlee shows up, but no one cares because they don’t recognize her and she suddenly realizes she is suffering from BTBARTNORCAA (Bad Timing By a Recast That No One Really Cares About Anymore).
Cue, Alone Again, Naturally.
That’s it you guys. Sorry. It was the best I could do.
I’m sure you’re thrilled.
Adam with Larry (Moe and Curley are trying to get their change back from the cafeteria vending machine). No charges filed because of trampy wife and rampant psychos. It’s mentioned in PV’s Police Unwritten Code of Stupid Laws, Paragraph 0, Titled, Perps With Bucks Get Free Pass, see: Appendix, Never Removed, Tonsils Still Intact, which states “No charges will be filed against alleged babynapper if said wife has performed the same criminal act while calling kidnapped babies “Peanut” and her daughter “Babydawl” and referring to herself as “Mamma”, prior to current criminal act while dealing with a psycho accomplice.” Case closed. YAY!
Cue Free Bird
Kendall and Zack seek size 6 Jimmy Choo Shoes. They try E-Bay. Then Craig’s List. Decide it’s irrelevant to the storyline and go to Payless Shoe Store.
Cue These Boots Were Made For Walking. But Not For Too Long of Distances Because They Hurt My Feet Really Bad.
Commercial.
Ryan has a wedding surprise for Annie Greensprings. She says “Oh God, oh God, Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh God, Oh, God Oh, God, Oh God, Oh, God, and Oh, God. Hey, the dialogue writers are on a roll today . Cue Making Love Out of Nothing At All (by Air Supply. Figures).
Oh wait, there’s a horse. Of course. Ryan leads with Annie riding sidesaddle and Jonathon follows with a pooper scooper. Okay, Jonboy wasn’t actually SEEN, but it’s his job as Ryan’s little brother and best man who had the bad cut out, but still suffers from BBBKS (Big Brother Butt Kissing Syndrome).
Cue A Horse With No Name. Unfortunately, although it still has no name it still has an extremely equine aroma.
Greenlee lurks, smirks, starts singing Another one Bites the Dust, but then hears A Horse With No Name and quickly puts her hands against her bleeding ears and runs to PV Hospital.
Back at the reception :
Lava, dressed as Big Bird, says she has ear plugs. Everyone offers her big bucks for them as Ryan and Annie waltz in smelling like Mr. Ed. While still singing A Horse With No Name.
Thank goodness. A commercial while I again search for some cheap white wine and look desperately for toothpicks to stick in my eyeballs to keep them open. No luck. Oh, well. Sober and irritable, I continue to watch as…
Kendall, Zack and Spike’s hair all appear in one scene. :oPerhaps Spike will rejoin his hair after the next commercial and after he decides if he’s joining the Hare Krishnas until he gets to be SORASed. My guess is his hair stays, but he goes.
Hey, now Adam welcomes Tad into his hospital room and says he’s glad he’s there as he was looking for some entertainment. Tad then provocatively dangles a pair of handcuffs while Adam delays buttoning up his shirt. Adam says it’s a welcome sight after dealing with Tarts and Traitors. Cue Chain of Fools.
Okay, here’s Babe. Cue It Ain’t Me Babe. I’m taking ANOTHER bathroom break.
KWAK and Jenny, it’s a Mother and Child Reunion.
(original words by Paul Simon - liberties taken by Trixie)
Yes I would like, give you false hope
On this strange and pointless day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a (legal) motion away, oh, little peanut of mine
I can't for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they won’t let it be
But The writers won’t let it work out that way
And the course of a lifetime of lies
Over and over again
No I would not give you false hope
You can still make your daddy pay
And the mother and child reunion
Is only a (legal) motion away, oh, baby dawling of mine
I just can't believe It's so
Though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
But that is so not so
We’re the Cary’s of a lifetime
Over and over again
So I would so give you false hope
On this really pointless day
When the mother and child reunion
Was only a plot point away
Oh the mother and child reunion
Was only a plot point away
Oh the mother and child reunion
Was only a plot point away
Commercial.
Back at the reception. Lava admits to being 42 minutes and 6 seconds late. This was because she had to listen to Julia and Laimie discuss how he’s going back to med school (although he spelled it “Skool”) and Julia said it could take nine years but they’ll keep the bedroom door locked and so I had to take another bathroom break and look for my Milk of Magnesia.
Ryan and Annie “Salsa”, but it was the mild kind and contained mostly cilantro but very little Tabasco.
Everyone else did The Onion Dip, The Cheeze Whiz and the Plain Mayo. It was a room filled with sound but little fury and signifying no rhythm.
Back at the hospital, Jr mentions he needs to check on his son. After all KWAK and Babe are free to roam.
Colby tells Tad about infant massaging. Tad thinks she said Instant Messaging and wanders off to find a working computer at PV. Good luck, Tad.
No one even mentions diaper rash
KWAK tells Colby she’s a GREAT BIG SISTER. Colby leaves and signs up for Jenny Craig.
Cue I’m a Loser. (Babe then tells Adam He’s A Looser. Adam says “R U Seriass?)
ANOTHER commercial.
Adam asks why Babe and her Mamma aren’t test driving double wides.
More Wedding Crap.
Jamie and Amanda. Amanda says something about having a mentally-ill mom. She forgets about her disappearing brother and her frozen pop. Jamie forgets to mention his disappearing mom and his bury-a-live-mad-doc-in-a-box pop. Amanda realizes she forgot to wear her I Used to Be A Bitch Panties and shrugs.
Aiden! I have no idea what he’s saying. And I don’t care. He’s there! He realizes he forgot his panties all together and I for one couldn’t be happier.
Jonathon asks Lava if she’d like to go for a walk as there are some really nice red tulips outside. Okay, he really said “purple tulips”, but gawd help me, I haven’t seen too many of those. Maybe only in PV. Probably growing in the sandy shores of the PV Ocean. Anyway, this prompts someone to ask her to count backwards from a hundred or else she’s busted. Or busty. I wasn’t paying attention.
Ryan is arrested for using the expression “That was big of me” way too often. No, wait, he’s guilty of bigamy.
Commercial
Tune in next week when Zack and Kendall walk into the reception after playing The Bridges of Madison County and making The Horse With No Name wrinkle his nose and run back to the stables.
Everyone gathers around the cake but no one eats it. Spike’s hair tries to sneak a piece but is caught and sent back to Spike’s head.
Lava steals the bride’s bouquet because it matches perfectly with her Big Bird outfit.
Tad and KWAK discuss tree frogs while the sound of crickets are heard in the background.
Adam lets Colby take him home even though he thinks she’s a cheap trick (or something like that.)
Greenlee shows up, but no one cares because they don’t recognize her and she suddenly realizes she is suffering from BTBARTNORCAA (Bad Timing By a Recast That No One Really Cares About Anymore).
Cue, Alone Again, Naturally.
That’s it you guys. Sorry. It was the best I could do.
I’m sure you’re thrilled.