Post by trixie on Apr 29, 2007 18:33:52 GMT -5
Well, this won’t be pretty. Read at your own individual alcohol tolerance level.
Phone rings.
Hello?
20% off all bras and underwear!
Really?
Yes. Oh wait, I have to put the phone down. Pugsley wants to talk to you.
Me: Swell.
Puglsey: Meow. Meow. MEOW.
Me: Puglsey, go watch AMC for me today, will ya? I’m too tired. And take notes! You pussy.
Pugsley: MEOW. MEOW. MEOW.
Me: Okay, be that way.
Click.
Uh, oh, Now I see KWAK and Adam.
Cue Janie’s Got a Gun
MAJOR BS FRONZIE HAS A MAJOR BS BRAIN FART
LET’S SAVE TIME AND COMBINE OLD TV SHOWS WITH AMC!
AVA AND LILY – THE PATTY DUKE SHOW
Meet Ava, who's slept most everywhere,
From Zanzibar to Barclay Square.
But Lilly’s only seen the sight.
A girl can see from PV Heights --
What a crazy pair!
But they're sisters,
Identical sisters all the way.
One pair of matching bookends,
Different as night and day.
Where Lilly adores a minuet,
The Ballet Russes, and crepe suzette,
Our Ava loves to rock and roll,
A HOT DOG makes her lose control --
What a wild duet!
Still, they're sisters,
Identical sisters and you'll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike –
You can lose your mind,
When sisters are two of a kind.
But they don’t charge the same.
FRONZIE HAS A SEIZURE FROM PATTING HIMSELF ON THE BACK TOO HARD AND GIVES HIMSELF A COUGHING FIT.
FRONZIE NOW DEDICATES THE FOLLOWING SONG TO KRYSTAL AND BABE CAREY (don’t be fooled, he’s lip-syncing)
Destiny's Child - Nasty Girl
You's a nasty (nasty) Trashy (nasty)
Sleazy (nasty) Classless (nasty)
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Shakin' that thang on that man, lookin' all stank and nasty
Swore you look cute girl in them dukes, booty all out lookin' trashy
Sleazy put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out ya heezy without clothes on, I told ya
You nasty girl, you nasty you trashy
You classless girl, you sleazy you freaky
I ain't never met a girl that does the things that you do
Change don't come your way it will come back to you
Put some clothes on girl
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Booty all out, tongue out her mouth, cleavage from here to Mexico
She walks wit a twist, one hand on her hip, when she gets wit'cha she lets it go
Nasty put some clothes on, you look to' down
Nasty don't know why you, will not sit down
Heels on her feet, swear she's in heat, flirtin' wit every man she sees
Her pants hangin' low, she never says no, everyone knows she's easy
Nasty put some clothes on, you lookin' stank
Nasty what's your problem, you should be ashamed
Hard...for women like me who try to have some intergrity
You make it hard...for girls like myself who respect themselves
And have dignity
You nasty girl, you nasty, you trashy
You classless girl, you sleazy, you freaky
N-A-S-T-Y ya nasty, F-R-E-A-K ya freaky
Girl where's your P-R-I-D-E, put some clothes on
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohh oh oh oh (Repeat)
You so nasty girl, you so...you so nasty girl
You so nasty girl, you so...you so nasty girl
Put some clothes on girl!
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
I only wish I had her way with words.
BS IS INSPIRED! AMC becomes DIE-NASTY!
So, Joan Collins walks into the Chandler Mansion wearing a huge hat and even bigger shoulder pads. She asks for a football helmet. She then finds Krystal Carey and proceeds to beat the crap out of her.
Sammie Jo walks into the Chandler Mansion wearing ummm, not much more than lipgloss, sees Babe and then proceeds to beat the crap out of her.
John James doesn’t beat the crap out of anybody and ends up slobbering over Erica Kane 25 years later. He should’ve beat up John Forseyth.
Sammie Jo and Alexa give each other high fives and do each other’s hair while sipping martinis and drinking jello shots and begging Myrtle to become De-Zached and join them for intimate spa treatments.
Sammie Jo then marries JR. Krystal marries Adam. And Joan Collins teams up with JFAP and they kick butt and take names later. They’re still deciding if Tad is worth fighting for or if they should just go off to Outer Mongolia and find Dr. Dave. They ask Ruth and Myrtle if they’d like to hitch a ride.
THE CAREY BUNCH – (Brought to you by the NRA)
Here's the story,
Of a trampy lady,
Who was bringing up a very trampy girl.
both of them had hair of gold,
bought from a bottle,
They always made me hurl.
Here's the story,
Of a man named Adam,
Who was busy with a junior of his own.
They were two men,
Living both together, but they were always on the phone -.
Till the one day when the truck gal met this fellow,
and they drank some hooch and came up with a hunch.
That this group,
Must somehow form a family.
That's the way they all became the Carey Bunch,
The Carey Bunch- the Carey Bunch
That's the way- they became the Carey Bunch.
My gynocologist once warned me that if I weren’t careful, I could actually get something called The Carey Bunch.
Frank Sinatra - My Way
Song - My Way
Dedicated to KWAK,With Um, something, at least once, From Adam and Tad -
And now, the end is near,
And so I face the final curtain.
I guess I’ll have some Everclear;
I'll drink my case of which I'm certain.
I've lived a life that's full
of Bull on each and every single highway.
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets? I've had a few,
But then again, I don’t need a full disclosure.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through on a bulldozer.
I planned each charted course -
And made grilled cheese while on the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew,
When I bit off more than I could chew,
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all when they paid small
And did it my way.
I've loved, I've laughed and cried,
I've had my fill - my share of losing.
But now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that,
And may I say, not in a shy way -
Oh no. Oh no, not me.
I did it my way.
For what is a man? What has he got?
If not big bucks - Then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels
And with the words of one who kneels.
Let the record show I snorted blow
And did it my way.
Yes, it was my way.
A Completely Made-Up Post for 04.24.07
Adam and Janet decide to rename the Jenny baby, Bambi before buying her a jet ski and then shipping her off to Lost Vegas for pole dancing lessons.
Cue Leaving on a Jet Ski, by Joni Mitchell before she realized they weren’t even invented yet..
KWAK still can’t believe that someone stole a baby. Who could possibly do such a thing.
Cue Imagine.
Tad can’t believe his sperm could swim that far. And that he is the father of a baby KWAK.
Cue, ummm,Climb Every Mountain. (Ford every stream). This is getting gynecological. How about a chorus or two of What Kind of Fool Am I?
Commercial: Attorneys advertising their services in case of being accused of Baby-napping. “When you steal an infant, we’ll be there for you in an instant.” It was a really cheap commercial. But it was filmed badly, too.
Uh, oh, Hannah and Josh. We get Hash. They’re apparently slinging it and I am not even watching it but still feel I need to go to the hospital for a cholesterol test.
Hannah, who was supposed to be dead, by virture of a psycho killer old guy who was the father of her father’s child and was cremated is now hot after a before-birth dead guy.
No wonder I can’t watch.
Cue, Maggie May. Or Stick Me in The Eyes With An Ice Pick, A Cue Stick, or Speed Stick, I’ve Seen Enough. This goes with the Shut The F Up Song. Which if you google, IS an actual song. I’m bummed. I was going to write lyrics and everything. Too late.
Commercial: Doctors who only play them on TV say you should ask your doctors about prolonged use of drugs prescribed by doctors who only play them on TV.
Erica does something.
She usually does. But I have no idea what it was, except she was probably wearing stiletto heels while she did it.
Zoe and Bianca forget all about Miranda and give her to Babe because she’s a walking miracle and actually took care of Miranda during her formative months.
I want to say, I combined the notes from the last couple of viewings and this is what I had.
This is the unedited edition of The Not So Live Post.
It's a mess. But so is the show. And yet, so am I.
I was doing some spring cleaning and thought I'd share my garbage bin with you. Now you know why I don't post so often.
Phone rings.
Hello?
20% off all bras and underwear!
Really?
Yes. Oh wait, I have to put the phone down. Pugsley wants to talk to you.
Me: Swell.
Puglsey: Meow. Meow. MEOW.
Me: Puglsey, go watch AMC for me today, will ya? I’m too tired. And take notes! You pussy.
Pugsley: MEOW. MEOW. MEOW.
Me: Okay, be that way.
Click.
Uh, oh, Now I see KWAK and Adam.
Cue Janie’s Got a Gun
MAJOR BS FRONZIE HAS A MAJOR BS BRAIN FART
LET’S SAVE TIME AND COMBINE OLD TV SHOWS WITH AMC!
AVA AND LILY – THE PATTY DUKE SHOW
Meet Ava, who's slept most everywhere,
From Zanzibar to Barclay Square.
But Lilly’s only seen the sight.
A girl can see from PV Heights --
What a crazy pair!
But they're sisters,
Identical sisters all the way.
One pair of matching bookends,
Different as night and day.
Where Lilly adores a minuet,
The Ballet Russes, and crepe suzette,
Our Ava loves to rock and roll,
A HOT DOG makes her lose control --
What a wild duet!
Still, they're sisters,
Identical sisters and you'll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike –
You can lose your mind,
When sisters are two of a kind.
But they don’t charge the same.
FRONZIE HAS A SEIZURE FROM PATTING HIMSELF ON THE BACK TOO HARD AND GIVES HIMSELF A COUGHING FIT.
FRONZIE NOW DEDICATES THE FOLLOWING SONG TO KRYSTAL AND BABE CAREY (don’t be fooled, he’s lip-syncing)
Destiny's Child - Nasty Girl
You's a nasty (nasty) Trashy (nasty)
Sleazy (nasty) Classless (nasty)
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Shakin' that thang on that man, lookin' all stank and nasty
Swore you look cute girl in them dukes, booty all out lookin' trashy
Sleazy put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out ya heezy without clothes on, I told ya
You nasty girl, you nasty you trashy
You classless girl, you sleazy you freaky
I ain't never met a girl that does the things that you do
Change don't come your way it will come back to you
Put some clothes on girl
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Booty all out, tongue out her mouth, cleavage from here to Mexico
She walks wit a twist, one hand on her hip, when she gets wit'cha she lets it go
Nasty put some clothes on, you look to' down
Nasty don't know why you, will not sit down
Heels on her feet, swear she's in heat, flirtin' wit every man she sees
Her pants hangin' low, she never says no, everyone knows she's easy
Nasty put some clothes on, you lookin' stank
Nasty what's your problem, you should be ashamed
Hard...for women like me who try to have some intergrity
You make it hard...for girls like myself who respect themselves
And have dignity
You nasty girl, you nasty, you trashy
You classless girl, you sleazy, you freaky
N-A-S-T-Y ya nasty, F-R-E-A-K ya freaky
Girl where's your P-R-I-D-E, put some clothes on
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohh oh oh oh (Repeat)
You so nasty girl, you so...you so nasty girl
You so nasty girl, you so...you so nasty girl
Put some clothes on girl!
Nasty put some clothes on, I told ya
Don't walk out your house without no clothes on, I told ya
Girl what ya thinkin' bout lookin' that to' down, I told ya
These men don't want no hot female that's been around the block female, you nasty girl
I only wish I had her way with words.
BS IS INSPIRED! AMC becomes DIE-NASTY!
So, Joan Collins walks into the Chandler Mansion wearing a huge hat and even bigger shoulder pads. She asks for a football helmet. She then finds Krystal Carey and proceeds to beat the crap out of her.
Sammie Jo walks into the Chandler Mansion wearing ummm, not much more than lipgloss, sees Babe and then proceeds to beat the crap out of her.
John James doesn’t beat the crap out of anybody and ends up slobbering over Erica Kane 25 years later. He should’ve beat up John Forseyth.
Sammie Jo and Alexa give each other high fives and do each other’s hair while sipping martinis and drinking jello shots and begging Myrtle to become De-Zached and join them for intimate spa treatments.
Sammie Jo then marries JR. Krystal marries Adam. And Joan Collins teams up with JFAP and they kick butt and take names later. They’re still deciding if Tad is worth fighting for or if they should just go off to Outer Mongolia and find Dr. Dave. They ask Ruth and Myrtle if they’d like to hitch a ride.
THE CAREY BUNCH – (Brought to you by the NRA)
Here's the story,
Of a trampy lady,
Who was bringing up a very trampy girl.
both of them had hair of gold,
bought from a bottle,
They always made me hurl.
Here's the story,
Of a man named Adam,
Who was busy with a junior of his own.
They were two men,
Living both together, but they were always on the phone -.
Till the one day when the truck gal met this fellow,
and they drank some hooch and came up with a hunch.
That this group,
Must somehow form a family.
That's the way they all became the Carey Bunch,
The Carey Bunch- the Carey Bunch
That's the way- they became the Carey Bunch.
My gynocologist once warned me that if I weren’t careful, I could actually get something called The Carey Bunch.
Frank Sinatra - My Way
Song - My Way
Dedicated to KWAK,With Um, something, at least once, From Adam and Tad -
And now, the end is near,
And so I face the final curtain.
I guess I’ll have some Everclear;
I'll drink my case of which I'm certain.
I've lived a life that's full
of Bull on each and every single highway.
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Regrets? I've had a few,
But then again, I don’t need a full disclosure.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through on a bulldozer.
I planned each charted course -
And made grilled cheese while on the byway,
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew,
When I bit off more than I could chew,
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all when they paid small
And did it my way.
I've loved, I've laughed and cried,
I've had my fill - my share of losing.
But now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that,
And may I say, not in a shy way -
Oh no. Oh no, not me.
I did it my way.
For what is a man? What has he got?
If not big bucks - Then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels
And with the words of one who kneels.
Let the record show I snorted blow
And did it my way.
Yes, it was my way.
A Completely Made-Up Post for 04.24.07
Adam and Janet decide to rename the Jenny baby, Bambi before buying her a jet ski and then shipping her off to Lost Vegas for pole dancing lessons.
Cue Leaving on a Jet Ski, by Joni Mitchell before she realized they weren’t even invented yet..
KWAK still can’t believe that someone stole a baby. Who could possibly do such a thing.
Cue Imagine.
Tad can’t believe his sperm could swim that far. And that he is the father of a baby KWAK.
Cue, ummm,Climb Every Mountain. (Ford every stream). This is getting gynecological. How about a chorus or two of What Kind of Fool Am I?
Commercial: Attorneys advertising their services in case of being accused of Baby-napping. “When you steal an infant, we’ll be there for you in an instant.” It was a really cheap commercial. But it was filmed badly, too.
Uh, oh, Hannah and Josh. We get Hash. They’re apparently slinging it and I am not even watching it but still feel I need to go to the hospital for a cholesterol test.
Hannah, who was supposed to be dead, by virture of a psycho killer old guy who was the father of her father’s child and was cremated is now hot after a before-birth dead guy.
No wonder I can’t watch.
Cue, Maggie May. Or Stick Me in The Eyes With An Ice Pick, A Cue Stick, or Speed Stick, I’ve Seen Enough. This goes with the Shut The F Up Song. Which if you google, IS an actual song. I’m bummed. I was going to write lyrics and everything. Too late.
Commercial: Doctors who only play them on TV say you should ask your doctors about prolonged use of drugs prescribed by doctors who only play them on TV.
Erica does something.
She usually does. But I have no idea what it was, except she was probably wearing stiletto heels while she did it.
Zoe and Bianca forget all about Miranda and give her to Babe because she’s a walking miracle and actually took care of Miranda during her formative months.
I want to say, I combined the notes from the last couple of viewings and this is what I had.
This is the unedited edition of The Not So Live Post.
It's a mess. But so is the show. And yet, so am I.
I was doing some spring cleaning and thought I'd share my garbage bin with you. Now you know why I don't post so often.