Post by trixie on Jul 6, 2007 18:50:06 GMT -5
Hey everbody! I’m sorry it’s been awhile. I’ve had computer problems, family problems (will be on-going, so I may not be here too much for a while), not to mention jock-itch and ring-around-the-collar. I’m really rusty so please, be as kind as you can. Plus, I’m really, really NOT feeling funny. At all. But here goes -
So, we have Ryan and Annie sitting down to a PV Happy meal (empty plate with extra parsley). Annie says there are no fairytales, that they’re adults (when did this happen? I’ve missed several episodes so I guess this is Soap Opera Rapid Adult Behavior Syndrome? Or SORABS). Ryan says he thought she thought they were magic. Annie Greensprings said she was talking about his wand. Ryan looks pleased (Annie looks disappointed) because he thought she was referring to his clown nose. Cue Abracadabra. Followed by Strange Magic.
JR, Adam, Josh and Zach are all playing Whose Stock is Bigger. JR says he has a large block and therefore can’t fit into the new cubicle that Josh has given him. JR mentions that Josh’s best decision was putting glitter in lip gloss.
Zach smirks and says it’s the best decision Josh ever made. “I like the David Bowie Glitter Rock Red, myself. However it does sort of clash with Myrtle’s Neon Orange Lip liner.”
They all (except Zach, who is now testing out the Day-Glo Pink Bubblegum All-Day Lipstick) pull out their, um…
rulers. Adam, Jr and Josh then break out and sing Big Time by Peter Gabriel (Success, I’m on my way, I’m making it, I’ve to make it show, yeah, So much larger than life, I’m going to watch it grow). Zach toys with the idea of becoming a Pip, but wisely decides to stick to trying out lip gloss.
Hey, now we have Patty Duke and Kathy. Patty wants to be the face of Fusion Green and needs Kathy’s help to make her fabulous. Cue theme from the Patty Duke Show (hey, I get to use this again! Well, at least I’m recycling).
Mauvelee and Jackson having lunch. Jackson wants ham and cheese as it reminds him of Erica. Mauvelee mentions HE GETS ME and Jackson gags on his sandwich and says he hoped to never hear that term ever again so therefore Ryan is an SOB. Cue You Got Me.
Annie Greensprings and Ryan – Theeeyyyyrrrrr’e back. Ryan wants a double dose of magic with extra syrup and a side of cole slaw for Annie.
Annie says she needs an insulin shot ASAP (as do I) and leaves without her slaw. Cue Love Songs for the Retarded.
Commercial (checking my pulse. Bummer. I still have one)
Erica now tells Ryan to go after Annie. “To hell with her insulin shot!” is basically what she tells him. “You can’t let a spoiled child ruin your marriage! After all, that’s MY job! Jeesh, you should know that by know, Ryan, you gorgeous hung, I mean hunk of ex-fiancée and father of my daughter’s son.” Ryan asks if she and Jackson are working things out. Erica tap dances around this and exits stage left while humming “Games People Play”.
Mauvelee and Jackson – Mauve says you can’t plan life, but you can plan murder, or pulling someone’s hair out by the roots when their not looking. Cue Killing Me (or actually Her) Softly.
Jonathon and Ryan are now discussing business. Ryan tells Jon all he has to do is okay cutting a check. Jonathon says he makes the best Manhattans and that he’s clueless because he’s in between lives right now. Which reminds him – he also makes pretty good Zombies. Cue Let’s Take Manhattan by The Zombies (it’s not one of their better known songs).
Patty and Kathy again. Patty asks Kathy to make her over (hmmm, usually it was the other way around) and when Kathy says no, Patty asks if it’s the touching thing and convinces Kathy to wad up a bunch of Kleenex. Kathy does and then ever so slowly brings the Kleenex up to Patty’s face and then takes the Kleenex ever so gently and shoves it up Patty’s nose.
Patty says “I knew you could do it!” Cue Every time We Touch.
Hey, the Four Dickheads put away their rulers (who won??) and are joined by Opal, Marion and Kendall. They all argue over a piece of the Chez Chandler pie. Marion flashes her, uh, business card while Opal talks about Glamorama 11, complete with tassels. Cue Our House.
Commercial
Jonathon and Ryan are saying something but I couldn’t hear it over Jonboy’s open shirt and his incredibly sexy voice. I’m sure they said something significant, like “you know, you’re my brother and all, so there’s no reason not to take our shirts off in front of each other.” Cue He’s Not Heavy, He’s a Sex Machine (Okay, so I combined a couple of songs that were just sitting in my brain waiting for me to find a use for them).
Back to the Patty Duke Show. Patty looks in the mirror and says it’s like looking at Kathy. Kathy says, well, yeah, because we’re played by the same actress you idiot.
Mauevlee and Jackson – what a shock. Mauvelee’s not hungry. Probably because she’s so full of
Herself.
Commercial
Sorry, I missed some stuff. Making a Bloody Mary takes time. Especially when you can’t find the vodka. Oh! Hey! How’d it get in the Dishwasher?
Annie Greensprings and Mauvelee. Blah, blah, blah, Ryan. Blah, Ryan, blah, blah. You blah, no you blah. Take it back. Huh, uh. You take it back. Oh yeah? Who and what army? Well, you should know. Well, I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever I say bounces off me and stick to you. You butthead. No YOU butthead. I’m telling!
Someone please hurry and cue The Sound of Silence.
Ryan and Jonboy – Ryan says “So you like her. Want me to ask her best friend to ask her if she’ll go to the Prom with you?” Jon says, nah, I’ll just pass her a note in study hall. I have a bad track record, but then I never held her captive in a cave with a decaying corpse, so maybe she’ll say yes.” Cue Double Vision.
Patty’s at photo shoot pretending to be Kathy. Kendall assures Kathy / Patty that no flash bulbs were harmed while shooting this session. Kendall tells Not-So-Chatty-Kathy to count if it makes her feel better.
Back at Chez Chandler Maison de la Cochons – Zach sees Opal out, JR sees Marion out. Neither one however, asks them out. Opal and Marion go see Myrtle and drink the rest of my vodka.
Josh obviously didn’t measure up leaving Adam, JR and Zach. Zach is going to stick it to JR’s dad. But then realizes he didn’t even get a ruler and says his work is done plus he’s all out of glitter gloss so he hightails it out of there.
Adam and JR, in a touching father/son moment whip out their…
rulers and see who’s going to owe whom more. Cue Reunited.
Commercial
KWAK and Derrick – KWAK says she doesn’t feel any pressure. Derrick says he does and excuses himself to the men’s room. They then agree to dinner. This was so exciting I also had to excuse myself to the men’s room.
Jack sees Erica in a disguise that even Stevie Wonder would recognize her in.
Jack kisses Erica. Erica says to call her Scarlett. Jack says okay, then you can call me Ray.
Cue Devil in Disguise (by Elvis, no less)
More Jon. MMMMMMMM. Says something to Lily. I really wasn’t listening. Sorry.
Patty is now up to 932. Kendall tells her to do an Erica Hair Flip. Patty says not unless they get a stunt person to perform it.
Ryan is looking for Annie Greensprings as he brought some Boones Farm Apple Wine to make up for their Empty Plate Special.
Kendall says she’s on the rooftop with Mauvelee. Ryan asks “Without a net?” Kendall says, “Don’t worry, she’s got her clown nose.”
Commercial
Patty Kathy is now up to 3,729. Kendall asks photographer “What’ve you got?” Photog says not much. Kendall tells Patty Kathy to do algorithms. PK says those scare her so Kendall says let’s do square roots. Okay! Cue Root 66 (sorry!).
Kendall asks PK what the square root of something or other is and PK answers Clairol’s Not-So-Natural-Bleached-Blonde #4.2. Kendall hesitates and says, What? That can’t be right! Clairol’s Not-So-Natural-Bleached-Blonde is Number 5.8!”
PK says “Get the fluck outta here! No wonder my hair never turns out freakin’ right!”
KWAK sees Adam. Adam leaves. KWAK follows with a giant close-up of the extremely Freudian “Comeback” sign.
Commercial
Previews:
Some stuff with Mauvelee and Annie Greensprings in an eleveator. “We’re going to end this once and for all! Which one of us is Greenlee and which one of us is Annie??” I suggest name tags. Cue What’s Your Name.
That’s it folks. Sorry. I’ll try harder next time. Honest. Really. I swear.
To you all!
So, we have Ryan and Annie sitting down to a PV Happy meal (empty plate with extra parsley). Annie says there are no fairytales, that they’re adults (when did this happen? I’ve missed several episodes so I guess this is Soap Opera Rapid Adult Behavior Syndrome? Or SORABS). Ryan says he thought she thought they were magic. Annie Greensprings said she was talking about his wand. Ryan looks pleased (Annie looks disappointed) because he thought she was referring to his clown nose. Cue Abracadabra. Followed by Strange Magic.
JR, Adam, Josh and Zach are all playing Whose Stock is Bigger. JR says he has a large block and therefore can’t fit into the new cubicle that Josh has given him. JR mentions that Josh’s best decision was putting glitter in lip gloss.
Zach smirks and says it’s the best decision Josh ever made. “I like the David Bowie Glitter Rock Red, myself. However it does sort of clash with Myrtle’s Neon Orange Lip liner.”
They all (except Zach, who is now testing out the Day-Glo Pink Bubblegum All-Day Lipstick) pull out their, um…
rulers. Adam, Jr and Josh then break out and sing Big Time by Peter Gabriel (Success, I’m on my way, I’m making it, I’ve to make it show, yeah, So much larger than life, I’m going to watch it grow). Zach toys with the idea of becoming a Pip, but wisely decides to stick to trying out lip gloss.
Hey, now we have Patty Duke and Kathy. Patty wants to be the face of Fusion Green and needs Kathy’s help to make her fabulous. Cue theme from the Patty Duke Show (hey, I get to use this again! Well, at least I’m recycling).
Mauvelee and Jackson having lunch. Jackson wants ham and cheese as it reminds him of Erica. Mauvelee mentions HE GETS ME and Jackson gags on his sandwich and says he hoped to never hear that term ever again so therefore Ryan is an SOB. Cue You Got Me.
Annie Greensprings and Ryan – Theeeyyyyrrrrr’e back. Ryan wants a double dose of magic with extra syrup and a side of cole slaw for Annie.
Annie says she needs an insulin shot ASAP (as do I) and leaves without her slaw. Cue Love Songs for the Retarded.
Commercial (checking my pulse. Bummer. I still have one)
Erica now tells Ryan to go after Annie. “To hell with her insulin shot!” is basically what she tells him. “You can’t let a spoiled child ruin your marriage! After all, that’s MY job! Jeesh, you should know that by know, Ryan, you gorgeous hung, I mean hunk of ex-fiancée and father of my daughter’s son.” Ryan asks if she and Jackson are working things out. Erica tap dances around this and exits stage left while humming “Games People Play”.
Mauvelee and Jackson – Mauve says you can’t plan life, but you can plan murder, or pulling someone’s hair out by the roots when their not looking. Cue Killing Me (or actually Her) Softly.
Jonathon and Ryan are now discussing business. Ryan tells Jon all he has to do is okay cutting a check. Jonathon says he makes the best Manhattans and that he’s clueless because he’s in between lives right now. Which reminds him – he also makes pretty good Zombies. Cue Let’s Take Manhattan by The Zombies (it’s not one of their better known songs).
Patty and Kathy again. Patty asks Kathy to make her over (hmmm, usually it was the other way around) and when Kathy says no, Patty asks if it’s the touching thing and convinces Kathy to wad up a bunch of Kleenex. Kathy does and then ever so slowly brings the Kleenex up to Patty’s face and then takes the Kleenex ever so gently and shoves it up Patty’s nose.
Patty says “I knew you could do it!” Cue Every time We Touch.
Hey, the Four Dickheads put away their rulers (who won??) and are joined by Opal, Marion and Kendall. They all argue over a piece of the Chez Chandler pie. Marion flashes her, uh, business card while Opal talks about Glamorama 11, complete with tassels. Cue Our House.
Commercial
Jonathon and Ryan are saying something but I couldn’t hear it over Jonboy’s open shirt and his incredibly sexy voice. I’m sure they said something significant, like “you know, you’re my brother and all, so there’s no reason not to take our shirts off in front of each other.” Cue He’s Not Heavy, He’s a Sex Machine (Okay, so I combined a couple of songs that were just sitting in my brain waiting for me to find a use for them).
Back to the Patty Duke Show. Patty looks in the mirror and says it’s like looking at Kathy. Kathy says, well, yeah, because we’re played by the same actress you idiot.
Mauevlee and Jackson – what a shock. Mauvelee’s not hungry. Probably because she’s so full of
Herself.
Commercial
Sorry, I missed some stuff. Making a Bloody Mary takes time. Especially when you can’t find the vodka. Oh! Hey! How’d it get in the Dishwasher?
Annie Greensprings and Mauvelee. Blah, blah, blah, Ryan. Blah, Ryan, blah, blah. You blah, no you blah. Take it back. Huh, uh. You take it back. Oh yeah? Who and what army? Well, you should know. Well, I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever I say bounces off me and stick to you. You butthead. No YOU butthead. I’m telling!
Someone please hurry and cue The Sound of Silence.
Ryan and Jonboy – Ryan says “So you like her. Want me to ask her best friend to ask her if she’ll go to the Prom with you?” Jon says, nah, I’ll just pass her a note in study hall. I have a bad track record, but then I never held her captive in a cave with a decaying corpse, so maybe she’ll say yes.” Cue Double Vision.
Patty’s at photo shoot pretending to be Kathy. Kendall assures Kathy / Patty that no flash bulbs were harmed while shooting this session. Kendall tells Not-So-Chatty-Kathy to count if it makes her feel better.
Back at Chez Chandler Maison de la Cochons – Zach sees Opal out, JR sees Marion out. Neither one however, asks them out. Opal and Marion go see Myrtle and drink the rest of my vodka.
Josh obviously didn’t measure up leaving Adam, JR and Zach. Zach is going to stick it to JR’s dad. But then realizes he didn’t even get a ruler and says his work is done plus he’s all out of glitter gloss so he hightails it out of there.
Adam and JR, in a touching father/son moment whip out their…
rulers and see who’s going to owe whom more. Cue Reunited.
Commercial
KWAK and Derrick – KWAK says she doesn’t feel any pressure. Derrick says he does and excuses himself to the men’s room. They then agree to dinner. This was so exciting I also had to excuse myself to the men’s room.
Jack sees Erica in a disguise that even Stevie Wonder would recognize her in.
Jack kisses Erica. Erica says to call her Scarlett. Jack says okay, then you can call me Ray.
Cue Devil in Disguise (by Elvis, no less)
More Jon. MMMMMMMM. Says something to Lily. I really wasn’t listening. Sorry.
Patty is now up to 932. Kendall tells her to do an Erica Hair Flip. Patty says not unless they get a stunt person to perform it.
Ryan is looking for Annie Greensprings as he brought some Boones Farm Apple Wine to make up for their Empty Plate Special.
Kendall says she’s on the rooftop with Mauvelee. Ryan asks “Without a net?” Kendall says, “Don’t worry, she’s got her clown nose.”
Commercial
Patty Kathy is now up to 3,729. Kendall asks photographer “What’ve you got?” Photog says not much. Kendall tells Patty Kathy to do algorithms. PK says those scare her so Kendall says let’s do square roots. Okay! Cue Root 66 (sorry!).
Kendall asks PK what the square root of something or other is and PK answers Clairol’s Not-So-Natural-Bleached-Blonde #4.2. Kendall hesitates and says, What? That can’t be right! Clairol’s Not-So-Natural-Bleached-Blonde is Number 5.8!”
PK says “Get the fluck outta here! No wonder my hair never turns out freakin’ right!”
KWAK sees Adam. Adam leaves. KWAK follows with a giant close-up of the extremely Freudian “Comeback” sign.
Commercial
Previews:
Some stuff with Mauvelee and Annie Greensprings in an eleveator. “We’re going to end this once and for all! Which one of us is Greenlee and which one of us is Annie??” I suggest name tags. Cue What’s Your Name.
That’s it folks. Sorry. I’ll try harder next time. Honest. Really. I swear.
To you all!