Post by trixie on Aug 30, 2007 18:04:19 GMT -5
Just For You, Plat (with many apologies. It’s not very good because I DON’T watch much at all anymore). Plus, this is a first draft, unedited and unintended for those who are suffering any of the following:
Melancholy
Plantar’s Warts
Boils
Humor Infusion
Confusion
Confoundedness
Cussedness
Bad Hair Day
Road Rage
Shopping Cart Rage
Sidewalk Rage
Cell Phone Abuse
(Disclaimer: I really didn’t watch more than five minutes today, so whatever I write is all a big fat lie).
So, keeping that in mind:
Dr. Joe’s eyebrows, followed by his Dr. Dean Edell eyeglasses which are followed by the rest of Dr. Joe approach the Martin’s attic door. Dr. Joe’s eyebrows furtively dart from the key in Dr. Joe’s hand to the lock on the attic door.
The soundtrack from Psycho plays loudly while Dr. Joe prepares himself to see Ruth in a rocking chair and wearing a bad wig and a housecoat. He’s hoping that Myrtle isn’t in the shower.
Finally, Dr. Joe unlocks the door and says “We get a two-fer today! And we’re doing it alphabetically. So, Opal, Ruth, COME ON DOWN.” Myrtle is heard humming “Singing In The Rain” from behind Door Number Two. Joe quickly locks the attic door and thinks “That was a close one!”
Cue, Bob Barker and Monty Hall.
Back at the Comeback (Freud is rolling in his grave at this name and saying Sometimes a cigar is just a bad excuse for showing women’s ta-tas and getting people on the Internet to make bad jokes and purposely misspelling things in order to arouse the viewing public’s prurient interests. And since I’m dead, who gives a shit?), Opal and Ruth are trying to have a conversation with KWAK and Babe but aren’t quite sure which girls they are supposed to address since KWAK and Babe are displaying their twins because it’s the kind of outfit I always wear when hanging out with my girlfriends. It’s a Quad-undrum and Ruth and Opal take the high road and ask for doubles.
Cue Double Vision
Commercial
Oh, hey, here’s Dr. Joe, greeting his grandson. “How’s my Grandabortion doing?”
Josh gives him a squishy hug as Dr. Joe wonders how he got stuck having a wife in an attic, an adopted son who buried his grandfetus’ adopted dad and a granddaughter produced from a woman named Kwak.
Dr. Joe asks for triple shots of Tequila.
Cue Tequila.
Commercial
Kendall and Dr. Hilliard both agree that Kendall’s story about Spike grants her immunity from having to follow his usual rules about treating kids. Who needs the father’s okay when the mother used her own eggs in order to give her best friend a baby that thought was from HER eggs but then because they weren’t, she left town, died her hair and came back a completely different person because the bleach saturated her head and made her think she was entitled to said baby when even Kendall thought she really didn’t feel especially close to the baby until she thought the baby was in big trouble and then kind of liked it so much that she named him Spike?
Dr. Hilliard was touched and agreed to give her ONE free bottle of drops to be put in Spike’s bottle five hundred times a day until the bottle runs out. Which by the looks of it would be by 2:00 pm that afternoon.
Cue Dr. Spock. The one with the pointy ears.
Theme from Star Trek.
Commercial
Tad and JR and the remote control. All I can say is:
Cue Queer Eye For the Straight Guys.
Commercial
Previews:
DWTS auditions:
Myrtle and Zach come in first with I Had The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing
Zach does double duty with Ryan and they come in second with “Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance?)”
Tad does the Tango all by himself since Dr. Dave didn’t show up for the audition, but still gets third place, even though he fell when he had to “dip” himself.
Ruth and Dr. Joe place fourth for doing The Mashed Potatoe as sung by Dan Quayle
Erica and Jack place fifth with “I’m Too Sexy”
Opal does the Flamenco to “Feelings” and gets Honorable Mention
JR does a Pas de Deux (only solo) to All By Myself
Babe and Kwak do a Jitterbug to “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better”
Palmer, Stuart and Adam all take turns and do the box step to “Crazy”
Del break dances to “Sledge Hammer”
Ava and Amanda make out to “More Than A Woman”
Josh and Greenlee do the Funky Chicken
And Aiden and Di do the watutsi to New York, New York.
It was a great audition. Too bad I missed it.
P.S. I will deny I ever wrote this, even though, well, I did, but... well, I kinda, sorta liked Erica today.
Please don't tell anyone.
Melancholy
Plantar’s Warts
Boils
Humor Infusion
Confusion
Confoundedness
Cussedness
Bad Hair Day
Road Rage
Shopping Cart Rage
Sidewalk Rage
Cell Phone Abuse
(Disclaimer: I really didn’t watch more than five minutes today, so whatever I write is all a big fat lie).
So, keeping that in mind:
Dr. Joe’s eyebrows, followed by his Dr. Dean Edell eyeglasses which are followed by the rest of Dr. Joe approach the Martin’s attic door. Dr. Joe’s eyebrows furtively dart from the key in Dr. Joe’s hand to the lock on the attic door.
The soundtrack from Psycho plays loudly while Dr. Joe prepares himself to see Ruth in a rocking chair and wearing a bad wig and a housecoat. He’s hoping that Myrtle isn’t in the shower.
Finally, Dr. Joe unlocks the door and says “We get a two-fer today! And we’re doing it alphabetically. So, Opal, Ruth, COME ON DOWN.” Myrtle is heard humming “Singing In The Rain” from behind Door Number Two. Joe quickly locks the attic door and thinks “That was a close one!”
Cue, Bob Barker and Monty Hall.
Back at the Comeback (Freud is rolling in his grave at this name and saying Sometimes a cigar is just a bad excuse for showing women’s ta-tas and getting people on the Internet to make bad jokes and purposely misspelling things in order to arouse the viewing public’s prurient interests. And since I’m dead, who gives a shit?), Opal and Ruth are trying to have a conversation with KWAK and Babe but aren’t quite sure which girls they are supposed to address since KWAK and Babe are displaying their twins because it’s the kind of outfit I always wear when hanging out with my girlfriends. It’s a Quad-undrum and Ruth and Opal take the high road and ask for doubles.
Cue Double Vision
Commercial
Oh, hey, here’s Dr. Joe, greeting his grandson. “How’s my Grandabortion doing?”
Josh gives him a squishy hug as Dr. Joe wonders how he got stuck having a wife in an attic, an adopted son who buried his grandfetus’ adopted dad and a granddaughter produced from a woman named Kwak.
Dr. Joe asks for triple shots of Tequila.
Cue Tequila.
Commercial
Kendall and Dr. Hilliard both agree that Kendall’s story about Spike grants her immunity from having to follow his usual rules about treating kids. Who needs the father’s okay when the mother used her own eggs in order to give her best friend a baby that thought was from HER eggs but then because they weren’t, she left town, died her hair and came back a completely different person because the bleach saturated her head and made her think she was entitled to said baby when even Kendall thought she really didn’t feel especially close to the baby until she thought the baby was in big trouble and then kind of liked it so much that she named him Spike?
Dr. Hilliard was touched and agreed to give her ONE free bottle of drops to be put in Spike’s bottle five hundred times a day until the bottle runs out. Which by the looks of it would be by 2:00 pm that afternoon.
Cue Dr. Spock. The one with the pointy ears.
Theme from Star Trek.
Commercial
Tad and JR and the remote control. All I can say is:
Cue Queer Eye For the Straight Guys.
Commercial
Previews:
DWTS auditions:
Myrtle and Zach come in first with I Had The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing
Zach does double duty with Ryan and they come in second with “Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance?)”
Tad does the Tango all by himself since Dr. Dave didn’t show up for the audition, but still gets third place, even though he fell when he had to “dip” himself.
Ruth and Dr. Joe place fourth for doing The Mashed Potatoe as sung by Dan Quayle
Erica and Jack place fifth with “I’m Too Sexy”
Opal does the Flamenco to “Feelings” and gets Honorable Mention
JR does a Pas de Deux (only solo) to All By Myself
Babe and Kwak do a Jitterbug to “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better”
Palmer, Stuart and Adam all take turns and do the box step to “Crazy”
Del break dances to “Sledge Hammer”
Ava and Amanda make out to “More Than A Woman”
Josh and Greenlee do the Funky Chicken
And Aiden and Di do the watutsi to New York, New York.
It was a great audition. Too bad I missed it.
P.S. I will deny I ever wrote this, even though, well, I did, but... well, I kinda, sorta liked Erica today.
Please don't tell anyone.