Post by trixie on Oct 19, 2007 21:34:19 GMT -5
Today’s episode is being brought to you by Baby Gap, Babies Backwards “R” Us, Gerber Baby Food, Baby Oil, Baby Shampoo, Baby-Back Ribs and Pampers. Which I am currently wearing due to the high excitement level of today’s AMC. This will be bad. Guaranteed. As always, with my apologies and a giant martini (or three in my case).
Kendall tells Mauvelee that Spike already has siblings so what is Mauvelee implying about yet another baby? Mauvelee looks uncomfortable as she doesn’t really know what “siblings” means because she forgot that not only did she graduate high school but also made it to college for all the frat parties. She assumes one or the other has something to do with sperm which leads me to the following songs:
Baby
Baby Baby
Baby Baby All The Time
Baby Baby Baby Baby Ooh Baby
Ryan and Ritchie (I’m calling them No-very) in Ryan’s office. Ryan gives Rich choice A) he can work for Ryan, B) he can take the money and run or C) he can be shot with Ryan’s firm, hard and steely weapon. Ritchie picks D) and says “But you have to buy me dinner first.” Cue Baby I’m-A Want You (by Bread).
Annie and kids. Knock, knock it’s Zach. While Spike whines and points (he needs to go outside BAD) and Emma thinks she’s getting a puppy, Annie and Zach sing “Baby, Do The Philly Dog. Spike howls and covers his ears. “Hey, I’m only ACTING deaf! Please make them stop.”
Jonathon talking to Party Planner (herein out known as PP) and wants something really special. “It will be at a cave to be named later. I have to check for rotting corpses first.” PP suggests Art Deco and Jon says “No, I think I whacked him last year.” Ava shows up with scarf and cowboy hat. Suddenly I had to rush to the bathroom but unfortunately got back in time to hear her say that magic is a boom box and a six-pack. Bruce Springsteen shows up and sings Baby, I Was Born to Run. Jonathon then tries to strangle Ava with her scarf but it gets tangled up in her Mohawk. “I used to wear a hat, too after I had the Bad cut out!” Jon looks hopefully at Ava’s head but sees no scars. Only large Sixes (or Nines, it’s hard to tell) tattooed all over her scalp. Jonathon runs off-screen shrieking “They said I could date age-appropriate women after the tumor!” He flips off the cameraman. Cue Baby Sittin’ Boogie.
Jason Morgan, Jr. and Amanda are watching Jonboy and Ava and lose their appetites and stomp off while giving the finger to the cameraman. Oh, wait, that’s what I WANTED them to do. Actually they had some discussion about Ava being a whack job and Jr compares her to an alien but doesn’t seem to look like he thinks that’s a bad thing. Cue Billion Dollar Babies by Alice Cooper.
DamKwak – Adam asks Who’s Ritchie Novak? Kwak says she was counting the seconds until Adam pulled something, but she couldn’t get past twenty as she already took off her shoes. Adam asks if Kwak wants Ritchie shot. Kwak asks Adam to take off HIS shoes as she’s still counting the seconds.
Cue Baby Doll by Mariah Carey
No-Very back at the office. Ryan debates shooting Ritchie. Ritchie doesn’t think Ryan will do very well behind bars, but I think he already has a friend named Bubba to prove that he does just fine behind bars. Ryan goes back to Plan B but Ritchie tears up Plan B while I screamed at him to send it to me. But Ritchie didn’t listen and said he can’t come back to the Comeback so Ryan says he has a third option, which means he can’t count either. Cue Baby, You’re A Rich Man.
Zack gives Annie a book and says it’s about a man who joins the circus and was highly recommended by Myrtle. He was going to give her a book called The Bell Jar but felt that would be insensitive. Or she could have a book recommended by Babe called “Poop. We All Do It And Sometimes It Stinks.” Annie is surprised that Zach can read. Zach is too as he rips up his dialogue and runs offstage while giving the double finger to the cameraman. Cue Run, Baby Run.
Commercial – and it’s about chocolate!
DamKwak – Adam says he’s sorry that she blames him for her ingrown toenails. Kwak says she doesn’t like being compared to a Moray Eel, but she doesn’t know what that is and hums “That’s A Moray” while saying “Two Words! Janet From Another Planet!” He counters with “Two Words! That Martin Bastid!” He realizes they may need math classes more than marriage counseling. Cue Baby Luv because he realizes they can’t spell either.
Back at the Yacht Club: PP leaves and Jon asks Ava “What’s wrong?” Ava says she’s a head case, a basket case, a vanity case and has a case of the clap. Jon looks off into the distance and fondly remembers the days when he could kill people because he had a brain tumor. Cue Born to Cry.
A HAIR COMMERCIAL. Ack.
DamKwak – Adam says they can do needlepoint or get buttons that say “I Hope You Rot For What You Did To Me”. Adam asks if they can fit that on a pillowcase. Kwak says “Go to hell, you bastard.” Adam tells her he already got the tee-shirt.
Aw, gawd, no, we’re back with Avathon. Jon asks Ava why she has to be so outrageous. Ava says she has a couple of screws loose. Jon says, no, not just a couple. And next time you feel the need to put a razor to your head, call Trixie, she’ll show you what a close shave is really like. Cue Baby, Don’t You Do It by Marvin Gaye. Although I hate to waste any song by Marvin Gaye on Ava, I just did. Forgive me.
Jason Morgan Jr and Amanda are still looking on and Ava tells JR he’s a jerk and is transparent. JR checks his zipper and sees that this is true. He only wants Ava for money. But he’s wondering if he can also get her hairdresser. Cue Born Under A Bad Sign (the Cream version).
No-Very back at the office – Ryan wonders what Ritchie is good at. Throwing people out of windows – check. Driving Annie crazy – check. Looks good without a shirt – double check. Likes Babe – check that bullets are in gun. Oh yes, he lies well. So, Ritchie’s resume is all in order. Ryan tells Ritchie that Ritchie’s just here to tear Annie’s life apart. So it’s a win-win situation. Welcome to Cambias. Cue Baby Can I Hold You.
Kendall, Babyseat and Mauvelee – Mauvelee’s sorry. Again. She whines about the images she’ll have to live with for the rest of her life. Like the one where she was standing next to a giant vat of sperm. She’s sorry. Again. Then she asks “What about MY children?” Mauvelee then leaves (FINALLY) and Kendall blows out the candles while making a wish that this storyline will soon be over. She then turns off Barry White (which I think would be a REALLY difficult thing to do, but hey, even he has his limits)
Kendall flings Babyseat (played by Lazy-Boy), flips off the cameraman and runs off screaming to join the rest of the cast getting hammered on Boilermakers and lighting their contracts on fire. Cue Rock-A-Bye Your Baby With A Dixie Melody. Tad plays lead guitar.
More stuff, but I’m keeping it short as I was seriously contemplating going to the No Name Bar and getting shit-faced.
Ava and Jon – Ava wants fire dancers at her party. Jon says KO and flicks his bic and does the Macarena while Ava’s Mohawk becomes really inflamed.
JR and Amanda – JR looks at Ava and wants a piece of it. Well, I hope he picks the piece that isn’t inflamed with syphilis. Amanda is disgusted because Ava is like a piece of real estate that you can only find in the Florida swampland but JR seems to like reptile-infested acreage and continues to drool over the miracle that is Ava, then realizes how really crappy he’s become, flips off the cameraman and joins Erica for a hair-flipping contest. Cue Baby Come And Get It.
Mauvelee goes to Madden’s old clinic and asks about cryogenics and spotted dick. This makes Zach pause in his lurking as he contemplates freezing spotted dick so it can be used at a more convenient time.
Annie Greensprings is freaking out because Emma has chocolate on her face and Uncle Ritchie told her not to tell that it was all because of brownies. Emma seems way too calm for those to have been regular brownies. Annie shoves Spike into a Ford Explorer-sized stroller while freaking out the entire time and Spike looks at her and prays that his contract is up real soon and that his parents are going to have to REALLY MAKE THIS UP TO HIM by buying him a pony, a Porsche and many years of therapy.
Guess what, they all get in the elevator and the elevator…
Cue Baby What A Big Surprise.
Previews for the next episode:
Aiden and Kendall sing Ice Ice Baby
Mauvelee and Zach sing Don’t Cry Baby
Annie sings Oh! No Not My Baby to Ryan on the phone after discussing Ritchie’s brownie recipe.
The cameraman, tired of being flipped off films the next ten episodes with the lens cap on. These episodes earn AMC several emmys.
I’ll be watching those!
That’s it. It was boring. I’m boring. And yes, I’m sorry.
Kendall tells Mauvelee that Spike already has siblings so what is Mauvelee implying about yet another baby? Mauvelee looks uncomfortable as she doesn’t really know what “siblings” means because she forgot that not only did she graduate high school but also made it to college for all the frat parties. She assumes one or the other has something to do with sperm which leads me to the following songs:
Baby
Baby Baby
Baby Baby All The Time
Baby Baby Baby Baby Ooh Baby
Ryan and Ritchie (I’m calling them No-very) in Ryan’s office. Ryan gives Rich choice A) he can work for Ryan, B) he can take the money and run or C) he can be shot with Ryan’s firm, hard and steely weapon. Ritchie picks D) and says “But you have to buy me dinner first.” Cue Baby I’m-A Want You (by Bread).
Annie and kids. Knock, knock it’s Zach. While Spike whines and points (he needs to go outside BAD) and Emma thinks she’s getting a puppy, Annie and Zach sing “Baby, Do The Philly Dog. Spike howls and covers his ears. “Hey, I’m only ACTING deaf! Please make them stop.”
Jonathon talking to Party Planner (herein out known as PP) and wants something really special. “It will be at a cave to be named later. I have to check for rotting corpses first.” PP suggests Art Deco and Jon says “No, I think I whacked him last year.” Ava shows up with scarf and cowboy hat. Suddenly I had to rush to the bathroom but unfortunately got back in time to hear her say that magic is a boom box and a six-pack. Bruce Springsteen shows up and sings Baby, I Was Born to Run. Jonathon then tries to strangle Ava with her scarf but it gets tangled up in her Mohawk. “I used to wear a hat, too after I had the Bad cut out!” Jon looks hopefully at Ava’s head but sees no scars. Only large Sixes (or Nines, it’s hard to tell) tattooed all over her scalp. Jonathon runs off-screen shrieking “They said I could date age-appropriate women after the tumor!” He flips off the cameraman. Cue Baby Sittin’ Boogie.
Jason Morgan, Jr. and Amanda are watching Jonboy and Ava and lose their appetites and stomp off while giving the finger to the cameraman. Oh, wait, that’s what I WANTED them to do. Actually they had some discussion about Ava being a whack job and Jr compares her to an alien but doesn’t seem to look like he thinks that’s a bad thing. Cue Billion Dollar Babies by Alice Cooper.
DamKwak – Adam asks Who’s Ritchie Novak? Kwak says she was counting the seconds until Adam pulled something, but she couldn’t get past twenty as she already took off her shoes. Adam asks if Kwak wants Ritchie shot. Kwak asks Adam to take off HIS shoes as she’s still counting the seconds.
Cue Baby Doll by Mariah Carey
No-Very back at the office. Ryan debates shooting Ritchie. Ritchie doesn’t think Ryan will do very well behind bars, but I think he already has a friend named Bubba to prove that he does just fine behind bars. Ryan goes back to Plan B but Ritchie tears up Plan B while I screamed at him to send it to me. But Ritchie didn’t listen and said he can’t come back to the Comeback so Ryan says he has a third option, which means he can’t count either. Cue Baby, You’re A Rich Man.
Zack gives Annie a book and says it’s about a man who joins the circus and was highly recommended by Myrtle. He was going to give her a book called The Bell Jar but felt that would be insensitive. Or she could have a book recommended by Babe called “Poop. We All Do It And Sometimes It Stinks.” Annie is surprised that Zach can read. Zach is too as he rips up his dialogue and runs offstage while giving the double finger to the cameraman. Cue Run, Baby Run.
Commercial – and it’s about chocolate!
DamKwak – Adam says he’s sorry that she blames him for her ingrown toenails. Kwak says she doesn’t like being compared to a Moray Eel, but she doesn’t know what that is and hums “That’s A Moray” while saying “Two Words! Janet From Another Planet!” He counters with “Two Words! That Martin Bastid!” He realizes they may need math classes more than marriage counseling. Cue Baby Luv because he realizes they can’t spell either.
Back at the Yacht Club: PP leaves and Jon asks Ava “What’s wrong?” Ava says she’s a head case, a basket case, a vanity case and has a case of the clap. Jon looks off into the distance and fondly remembers the days when he could kill people because he had a brain tumor. Cue Born to Cry.
A HAIR COMMERCIAL. Ack.
DamKwak – Adam says they can do needlepoint or get buttons that say “I Hope You Rot For What You Did To Me”. Adam asks if they can fit that on a pillowcase. Kwak says “Go to hell, you bastard.” Adam tells her he already got the tee-shirt.
Aw, gawd, no, we’re back with Avathon. Jon asks Ava why she has to be so outrageous. Ava says she has a couple of screws loose. Jon says, no, not just a couple. And next time you feel the need to put a razor to your head, call Trixie, she’ll show you what a close shave is really like. Cue Baby, Don’t You Do It by Marvin Gaye. Although I hate to waste any song by Marvin Gaye on Ava, I just did. Forgive me.
Jason Morgan Jr and Amanda are still looking on and Ava tells JR he’s a jerk and is transparent. JR checks his zipper and sees that this is true. He only wants Ava for money. But he’s wondering if he can also get her hairdresser. Cue Born Under A Bad Sign (the Cream version).
No-Very back at the office – Ryan wonders what Ritchie is good at. Throwing people out of windows – check. Driving Annie crazy – check. Looks good without a shirt – double check. Likes Babe – check that bullets are in gun. Oh yes, he lies well. So, Ritchie’s resume is all in order. Ryan tells Ritchie that Ritchie’s just here to tear Annie’s life apart. So it’s a win-win situation. Welcome to Cambias. Cue Baby Can I Hold You.
Kendall, Babyseat and Mauvelee – Mauvelee’s sorry. Again. She whines about the images she’ll have to live with for the rest of her life. Like the one where she was standing next to a giant vat of sperm. She’s sorry. Again. Then she asks “What about MY children?” Mauvelee then leaves (FINALLY) and Kendall blows out the candles while making a wish that this storyline will soon be over. She then turns off Barry White (which I think would be a REALLY difficult thing to do, but hey, even he has his limits)
Kendall flings Babyseat (played by Lazy-Boy), flips off the cameraman and runs off screaming to join the rest of the cast getting hammered on Boilermakers and lighting their contracts on fire. Cue Rock-A-Bye Your Baby With A Dixie Melody. Tad plays lead guitar.
More stuff, but I’m keeping it short as I was seriously contemplating going to the No Name Bar and getting shit-faced.
Ava and Jon – Ava wants fire dancers at her party. Jon says KO and flicks his bic and does the Macarena while Ava’s Mohawk becomes really inflamed.
JR and Amanda – JR looks at Ava and wants a piece of it. Well, I hope he picks the piece that isn’t inflamed with syphilis. Amanda is disgusted because Ava is like a piece of real estate that you can only find in the Florida swampland but JR seems to like reptile-infested acreage and continues to drool over the miracle that is Ava, then realizes how really crappy he’s become, flips off the cameraman and joins Erica for a hair-flipping contest. Cue Baby Come And Get It.
Mauvelee goes to Madden’s old clinic and asks about cryogenics and spotted dick. This makes Zach pause in his lurking as he contemplates freezing spotted dick so it can be used at a more convenient time.
Annie Greensprings is freaking out because Emma has chocolate on her face and Uncle Ritchie told her not to tell that it was all because of brownies. Emma seems way too calm for those to have been regular brownies. Annie shoves Spike into a Ford Explorer-sized stroller while freaking out the entire time and Spike looks at her and prays that his contract is up real soon and that his parents are going to have to REALLY MAKE THIS UP TO HIM by buying him a pony, a Porsche and many years of therapy.
Guess what, they all get in the elevator and the elevator…
Cue Baby What A Big Surprise.
Previews for the next episode:
Aiden and Kendall sing Ice Ice Baby
Mauvelee and Zach sing Don’t Cry Baby
Annie sings Oh! No Not My Baby to Ryan on the phone after discussing Ritchie’s brownie recipe.
The cameraman, tired of being flipped off films the next ten episodes with the lens cap on. These episodes earn AMC several emmys.
I’ll be watching those!
That’s it. It was boring. I’m boring. And yes, I’m sorry.