Monday, Sept. 15Tess puts phase two of her plan in motion; SHE FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO COUNT AFTER ONE?
Dr. Joplin is Todd's pawn; TODD IS SERIOUSLY PLAYING CHESS NOW. GOOD THING SINCE TOMMYSAM BEAT HIM AT CHECKERS.
Cristian has an unexpected visitor. IS IT THAT TIME OF THE MONTH FOR HIM? I USED TO HATE WHEN THAT HAPPEND.
Tuesday, Sept. 16Dorian has her doubts about Ray when he crashes Langston's adoption party; WELL, CRASHING A PARTY CAN CAUSE DOUBTS.
Tess plays with Jared's mind; I CAN'T GET OVER THE VISUAL ON THIS ONE.
Nigel confesses to Clint. I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU. AND, WELL, I THINK WE'D MAKE A FINE PAIR OF COWBOYS. See 1968.
Wednesday, Sept. 17Tess works her magic on Jared as Natalie watches; WATCH ME PULL A WABBIT OUT OF MY HAT.
Cole and Starr worry about seeing each other at school; BECAUSE SEEING EACH OTHER IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN HAVING SEX WITHOUT CONDOMS.
Cristian finds an ally in Ray's wife Vanessa; WHO THE HELL IS THAT?
And is it "Chritain finds an ALLEY in Ray's wife? Cuz, that would make more sense in the soap opera world vision of finding ex-wives and such.
Mortimer Bern is spotted at the Columbian prison. I LOVE ANYBODY NAMED MORTIMER. I JUST HATE THIS STORY.
Thursday, Sept. 18Jared is desperate to locate Natalie; JUST FOLLOW YOUR, UM YOU KNOW, BONER, GUY.
Ray asks Langston to return to Columbia with him; AND TUCK A LITTLE SUMTHIN IN HER THONG UNDIES. UNCLE RAY IS PROBABLY NOT THINKING "RELATIVE" HERE.
Brody lashes out as Gigi prepares to tell Shane the truth;
Rex asks Adriana for a divorce. I PICTURE BRODY WITH A WHIP AND AS GIGI TELLS SHANE THAT HE'S "OUCH" NOT "OUCH! STOP THAT" BRODY'S SON, REX THEN CASUALLY TELLS ADRIANNA THAT, HEY, I'VE FOUND SOMEONE I CAN HAVE SEX WITH ON AND OFF THE SHOW. TA TA.
Friday, Sept. 19Brody nears his breaking point; WOULD THAT BE BEFORE OR AFTER ADRIANNA POKES HIM IN THE EYE WITH REX'S TOOTHBRUSH?
Tess forces Todd to be her partner in crime; NOTHING SAYS INCEST LIKE FORCE AND PARTNER IN THE SAME SENTENCE (this show is getting too weird for EVEN ME
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Tina subtly points Jared in Natalie's direction.